Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
