Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
