another moral hangover. fuck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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