sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
