Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
