Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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