I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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