her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
only if we run a train.
done.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We are two peas in an std pod
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
