I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
