I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
