we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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