You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
