Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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