i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
