After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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