Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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