First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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