Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
