Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
