And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
