Got a toothbrush?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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