Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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