dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
