Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
