My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
