it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
