I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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