We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
