i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All the doctor said was why
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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