you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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