Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
