Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
