I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
