Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need a beard to bite.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
