I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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