you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
3 2 1 whiskey
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
