His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
