i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
