he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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