i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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