Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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