70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
