How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
