matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
