if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
