Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
