Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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