Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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