i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
