That's when you crack a 10am beer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
