its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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